I have wondered whether writing this is a wise thing to do. Looking through the other christian blogs on the web, they are all focussed on God and not the self. My intention is not to distract from God’s glory, rather it is a log of my personal struggle to reconcile my beliefs with my everyday life. Being introverted and particularly shy, I don’t find it easy to talk to others about this and my natural instinct is to write it down.
I firmly believe that we can come to God with our true feelings as in the Psalms. God knows how we feel anyway and so it barely is a surprise to Him!
I have been a christian for 7 years now since I left university. I guess the issue is that my first joy has been lost and I have been waiting for it to come back to me. I am not sure I have really been proactive though in doing anything about it. I don’t even know whether it is possible to get it back.
The transition from student to working life was quite a hard one. I think we underestimate the impact this has on ones christian walk. Students have the precious commodity of time and this allows plenty of opportunity for reading, studying, meeting others and going to church. The working life does not allow for so many activities. By the time I am home in the evening I am more concerned with cooking a meal, getting organised for the next day and finding some time to relax. The weekends are busy too as neither of our families or any of our uni friends live nearby. Attending church twice on a Sunday feels like such a drain, and in a church where having people round for lunch is encouraged, this puts a lot of pressure on to prepare and commit an entire afternoon to serving others. I see my non christian work colleagues going out in the evenings and sleeping the weekend away and this sometimes feels like such an attractive option, although it is not really a productive use of time!
I guess my attitude is similar to that of the Psalmist in Psalm 73 where he feels that the world seem to have everything. My issue is reconciling this with the truth that these people in the world in reality have nothing. I know I am the one that is rich. It is just making my heart feel that way, rather than it just being head knowledge. I need to remember the privilege it is to be able to attend church on a Sunday and openly proclaim my faith when so many around the world would be persecuted for doing so.
Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.
I appreciate the honesty of your post, share in much of the struggle and likewise hunger for more joy.